I dunno what the deal is, but I only ever seem to write these things when I am way too tired to care what I'm writing about. I almost considered talking about why certain animals make noises and others don't. That was a question bugging me for a while. But I figured that would just bore you people. So I thought, what would people care about?
How about I answer a question once and for all for all of you people? On I have been asked since I was three. Why don't I celebrate holidays? Alright, strap in. This could get rough and weird. But I swear, everything I am about to tell you is true, and if you don't believe me, look it up for yourself.
Let's start with the most recent, and most cringe worthy. Easter.
When I was in Elementary school and was asked the question, I always just replied, "Because of my religion." But now I am older and wiser, and have made this decision for myself. And Easter was the one that got me started. If you ask most people in the world, they will tell you that they are celebrating Jesus' Resurrection. Let's look at a few fun facts shall we?
1. Jesus died Nissan 14, this year that landed on March 26th. He was resurrected 3 days later. March 29th this year. When did everyone celebrate it? March 31st. First mistake. People think it must be on a Sunday, and I'll explain that later, I hope.
2. I dare you to show me anywhere in the bible where we were told to celebrate Jesus' resurrection. Any takers? Anyone? Lemme save you the time and embarrassment. He never did. In fact, Jesus mentions only one event that should be commemorated. His death.
3. Where does the name Easter come from? So glad you asked. Looking back, the closest connection is that of a Babylonian and Assyrian god named Ishtar. A goddess of Fertility, Love, and Sex. And guess what? This answers another question.
4. How in the heck does a bunny and eggs factor into Jesus' Resurrection? It doesn't. As a matter of fact, the symbol actually just represent Sexuality, libido, and fertility. Yay! Let's dress kids up in pastel colors and stick them with the symbol of sex and make them find fertility idols that we have hidden in the yard.
That's about all I got on Easter. But wait Jake, I hear you cry, why Sunday? Well, isn't it obvious? If the church will defile themselves so far as to accept a sex holiday as a celebration for Jesus, they are gonna have to go that extra step and put it right after Mass. No more whining. Those are the facts, let's move on.
How about something a little more popular? Christmas! What do you think of when you think Christmas? Red and green? Candy canes? Santa? Presents?! Well, guess what? None of these have anything to do with Jesus' birth. I won't go into too much, as the amount of information is so dang vast. Instead, I will merely point out some of the low points of this "holiday."
1. The date: Jesus born on the 25th of December? *shrugs* If there was no other info, I wouldn't fight that. Wait... What's that you say Mr. Bible? There is more? Do tell... An angel told of his birth to some shepards? Dang, it must have been cold out. And that would just be torture to the sheep. Well guess what? They were no shepards out in Winter. Ever. Unless they were drunk and stupid. If you look at the facts from the Bible, it is easier to believe an October birth day, but no one knows for sure.
2. Gift-giving: Okay, okay. Stop yelling. I have nothing against giving gifts. I love giving presents. I do. But at Christmas it's different. Say I give a gift to a friend in mid June. What would he think? "Oh, must be a holiday. Crap, I never got him anything."? Probably not. He would appreciate the gift. It was a random act of true kindness. At Christmas, the obligation to spend the most money and give the best gift is too much for some families. This country is barely floating now, why make things worse by making people feel obligated to get others presents?
3. The lie: Yeah. I said it. You are doing nothing but lying to your kids. Santa doesn't exist. Not for a long time at least. Saint Nick has been dead for a long while. What do you think that does to the kid when he first learns from his smarter friends that Santa is a fake? Bad parents. Shame.
I may expand more on these in the future. For now, I am drained of all my writing creativity. I'm gonna lay down and sleep. Goodnight world.
-Jake of All Trades
How about I answer a question once and for all for all of you people? On I have been asked since I was three. Why don't I celebrate holidays? Alright, strap in. This could get rough and weird. But I swear, everything I am about to tell you is true, and if you don't believe me, look it up for yourself.
Let's start with the most recent, and most cringe worthy. Easter.
When I was in Elementary school and was asked the question, I always just replied, "Because of my religion." But now I am older and wiser, and have made this decision for myself. And Easter was the one that got me started. If you ask most people in the world, they will tell you that they are celebrating Jesus' Resurrection. Let's look at a few fun facts shall we?
1. Jesus died Nissan 14, this year that landed on March 26th. He was resurrected 3 days later. March 29th this year. When did everyone celebrate it? March 31st. First mistake. People think it must be on a Sunday, and I'll explain that later, I hope.
2. I dare you to show me anywhere in the bible where we were told to celebrate Jesus' resurrection. Any takers? Anyone? Lemme save you the time and embarrassment. He never did. In fact, Jesus mentions only one event that should be commemorated. His death.
3. Where does the name Easter come from? So glad you asked. Looking back, the closest connection is that of a Babylonian and Assyrian god named Ishtar. A goddess of Fertility, Love, and Sex. And guess what? This answers another question.
4. How in the heck does a bunny and eggs factor into Jesus' Resurrection? It doesn't. As a matter of fact, the symbol actually just represent Sexuality, libido, and fertility. Yay! Let's dress kids up in pastel colors and stick them with the symbol of sex and make them find fertility idols that we have hidden in the yard.
That's about all I got on Easter. But wait Jake, I hear you cry, why Sunday? Well, isn't it obvious? If the church will defile themselves so far as to accept a sex holiday as a celebration for Jesus, they are gonna have to go that extra step and put it right after Mass. No more whining. Those are the facts, let's move on.
How about something a little more popular? Christmas! What do you think of when you think Christmas? Red and green? Candy canes? Santa? Presents?! Well, guess what? None of these have anything to do with Jesus' birth. I won't go into too much, as the amount of information is so dang vast. Instead, I will merely point out some of the low points of this "holiday."
1. The date: Jesus born on the 25th of December? *shrugs* If there was no other info, I wouldn't fight that. Wait... What's that you say Mr. Bible? There is more? Do tell... An angel told of his birth to some shepards? Dang, it must have been cold out. And that would just be torture to the sheep. Well guess what? They were no shepards out in Winter. Ever. Unless they were drunk and stupid. If you look at the facts from the Bible, it is easier to believe an October birth day, but no one knows for sure.
2. Gift-giving: Okay, okay. Stop yelling. I have nothing against giving gifts. I love giving presents. I do. But at Christmas it's different. Say I give a gift to a friend in mid June. What would he think? "Oh, must be a holiday. Crap, I never got him anything."? Probably not. He would appreciate the gift. It was a random act of true kindness. At Christmas, the obligation to spend the most money and give the best gift is too much for some families. This country is barely floating now, why make things worse by making people feel obligated to get others presents?
3. The lie: Yeah. I said it. You are doing nothing but lying to your kids. Santa doesn't exist. Not for a long time at least. Saint Nick has been dead for a long while. What do you think that does to the kid when he first learns from his smarter friends that Santa is a fake? Bad parents. Shame.
I may expand more on these in the future. For now, I am drained of all my writing creativity. I'm gonna lay down and sleep. Goodnight world.
-Jake of All Trades
